Things I’m Thinking About

Why are cellphone charging cords so short?  I gave up and bought an extension cord because let’s be real, I’m in bed while it’s charging, playing words with friends, surfing the web, and rolling to the nightstand to grab my reading glasses…

Crossing the street is not a good time to look at your cell phone and text.  The worst part is when you look up in zombie mode and barely notice my car after I hit the brakes 45 seconds ago, waiting for your ass, as you stop in step with each word you’re spelling.  If you can’t multitask, please texted from the sidewalk.

To the guy that returned a texted and then took a call while paying for his groceries, that’s rude and you didn’t even look up and acknowledge the nice kid named Joey as he counted back your change and wished you a good night.  He could have pocketed a twenty!  You weren’t paying attention and also left .98 cents in the change dispenser, I put it toward my bag of peanut M & M’s, thanks.

Why do grocery stores trust the cashiers with paper money but a machine dispenses the piddly change?

David Lettermen always seemed cruel, bitter, angry, and mean to me.  Good riddance!

I’ve noticed deodorants say 48 hour protection more often.  Who needs 2 days of coverage?  I’m officially afraid of the California drought, this clearly is a sign that Jerry Brown is coming for my showers next…I need to move closer to a river.😂😂😂

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I’ll Poke You with my Carrot!

Cuddle

Why do people cuddle in the produce section of grocery stores?  It’s creepy.  Have you seen these couples?  The grocery store is not the place for cuddling get the hell out of my way, move it!  It’s cold in there and it makes me want to pee, you’re blocking the avocados and you’re lame.  You wanna know why I think you’re lame? Because you think its cool to cuddle in a grocery store!   Get out of my way before I poke you in the eye with one of my carrots!

How is a 2,740.00 pound Toyota Prius so quiet that I’ve actually had one park right next to me and not even heard the damn thing pull in?  But we cant figure out how to make a hair blow dryer that doesn’t sound like a jet engine!  I still have to listen to that loudness every time I blow dry my hair?  That’s probably why I couldn’t hear the Prius…