Cheesy Halloween Jokes!

Why couldn’t the witch have a baby? Because her husband had a Halloweenie!

(Hang on, I have another one but I can’t stop laughing.)

Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road? Cause he didn’t have any guts!

A skeleton walks into a bar and ask for a beer and a mop……lol


Ten Things That Scare Me

Since its Halloween, I thought I would compile a list of ten things that scare the $#*! out of me:

1. The fact that I keep an awesome pair of tweezers in my car glove box because the light is better in there and sometimes I get a random chin hair. (Yes, I went there.)
2. That I still use the term “glove box” and publicly admitted to a chin hair.
3. When I am walking my dogs and I hear a larger dog rush a fence out of nowhere sounding like it might jump over and eat us!
4. The fact that I can now hold a pencil under my boobs if I want to.
5. The thought of trick-or-treaters knocking on my door and disturbing an after work power nap.
6. That I’ve become the boring grownup that turns off all the lights on Halloween, doesn’t decorate, and keeps the candy for themselves. lol
7. The thought of a world without Red Vines and Rocky Road.
8. Yearly check-ups
9. Using the gym equipment
10. That I live in a world where kids and their parents are arrested for tee-peeing. Those were the good ol’ days…. (My parents would laugh, make my slumber party clean it all up, and then buy us toilet paper to get even, nobody ever thought of calling the popo!) Lol

Why Do So Many Bloggers Quit?

So many blogs have disappeared since I first became a blogger.  I wonder why? These are some of the guesses I’ve made….

1.  They realized we were merely reading their blog because they’re nuts.  But a really good kind of “Nuts.”  Hey, we enjoyed those post imbued with honesty while you self imploded, it made us/me feel more sane.  Can you restart your crazy blog tomorrow? Please? Please?  Um, you were kind of becoming my muse…lol

2.  They realized they really don’t enjoy writing as much as they thought they did. 

3.  They thought they were going to become famous and rich with their blog. Then realized that really does take some work, so they became a quitter.

4.  They realized they don’t have anything to say or post on a regular basis.  To you I would say, “You quit too soon, there are people out there that are interested in the same things you are, try again!”

5.  They are going through personal struggles, health, significant other, work, etc. To you I say, “I’m sorry.  I hope it gets better.”

6.  They are perfectionist and posting became too difficult because they compared themselves to other people and bloggers.

7. They  were filling a personal void coupled with a need for validation and have found it elsewhere.  That should always come from within so, “Via con dios!” “Shalom” “Arrivederci” Good for you!……….. 

8.  They became too big and famous, redirected me to some new blog-site that never seems to load quickly or properly, and is down a lot of the time, in that case, I did the quitting.

Whatever the reason, I’ll miss being entertained and inspired by some of you.  



Things I Thought About While Babysitting These Past Four Days

1. How in the hell can tiny feet smell that bad? I thought my dog had an accident in the house the smell was so gross. (I gave them an instant foot bath, a lesson on toe cleaning and the importance of fresh socks. Then I loaded them into the car and bought them new shoes and a bag of cartoon socks. They were really excited!)

2. How do mothers find time for sex? Kids sure seem like a sex killer, I am usually up until 1 a.m. or so, but while the kids were here, I was climbing up into my bed by 8 p.m. like I had just circled the desert and finally found a lake of cold water.

3. Saying, “don’t touch that” to a 7 and 7 1/2 year-old is the same as saying, “please play with that as often as you’d like.”

4. Kids can’t resist stacks of peanuts piled up in bins at farmers market. I’m so thankful for the lady that smiled and refused to let me pay. She must be a mother, patience of a Saint!

5. I let the kids make fury mustaches and matching eyebrows, it was so cute! Then we made glittering miniature hats, we wore them on our walk to the playground and did you know that the cliques start so young!? The kids were rude, made fun of their mustaches and hats, and didn’t want to play with my little friends. The parents didn’t even respond when I said, “hi” or told their children to “stop saying things that were not nice!” The children were miniature snobby versions of their parents, it made me sad. However, if they were trying to make us uncomfortable it didn’t work! We thought they were boring, unfriendly, and little 7-year-old “Bea” said, “she would pray for them.” lol (I was so proud of her.) We broke the kids down and eventually became a hit, because they had a grown up with them willing to push everybody on the merry-go-round!(So glad to see those making a come-back those were my favorite as a child.) None of the parents were playing or pushing the kids on the merry-go-rounds? They were on their smart phones or zoned out, it was all very strange. I didn’t know public playgrounds could be so tough or segregated!

6. Little kids love going to the mountains and exploring! That was fun. (and exhausting wow.) They also make great gardeners!(Hole digging for perennials.)

7. I love finding things hidden in my curtains, smashed crayons shoved under my furniture, and lots of new drawings on my fridge and hidden under my pillow when they go home, it made me laugh. Not looking forward to cleaning it all up, but it is really cute.(My bathroom smells like kid pee. Why can’t little boys hit the water bowl? ew.)

kid postkid post2

8. Silence is all you want when kids are around but then again, silence was bad. I would panic and imagine they had escaped the backyard and were headed for the next town or picked up by a giant eagle. How do parents relax?

9. My animals have been passed out all day! I didn’t realize how boring and calm our daily lives were until the kids left. My animals were ridden, chased, pulled, tugged, kissed, hugged, colored with chalk, and dressed up. lol (They loved it but they are tired. I’m especially proud of my old cat Gladis she didn’t claw anybody and if you knew her that is kind of a miracle. Bea probably prayed over her. lol)

10. Kids want real band-aids. You really need those, they look at you like you are insane when you make a homemade cotton and tape “band-aid thing” I was not fooling them. They didn’t feel better until they had a real band-aid. lol In my day, my daddy would smother my boo-boo with reddish-brown iodine, slap a cotton ball on, and then add masking tape! (I miss that man) What ever happened to those iodine bottles with the little glass ball on the end? Those were cool and healed everything! 🙂

11. I really respect the way my grandmother and my mother matched all my socks, kept our house really clean, and cooked homemade meals all of the time. In four days, I managed to bake one batch of cookies, but I turned to take-out, my house is shot, and I threw all of their socks into one bag. But I know I gave those little munchkins some great memories and made them tired. If I learned anything in the past four days, its that if you make children tired enough to sleep eight hours and you heard a lot of giggling; you’ve done well.