I’m coming out of the closet but I love my bra too much to burn it!


I’ve realized that I am a feminist.  It’s been right in front of me my entire life, but I couldn’t admit it.  I’ve been in the closet because that word has always made me think of “Man-Haters” and I don’t hate men.  I LOVE men. It’s just that I don’t believe in surrendering my life’s direction to a man, which I think leads to emotional manipulation and a loss of identity.  People say a lot of things under the guise of love and no one can hurt you as much as a person you loved too hard and in doing so, placed emotional weapons right into their hands. 

(They will come back with the tools that you gave them in a moment of loving weakness and whack the shit out of you. Even women do this to each other, no thanks, I’ll keep my weaknesses to myself.) 

The Suffrage movement wasn’t that long ago, maybe I just need more time to recover from the thought of a woman being unable to voice her political opinion.  I’m actually pretty conservative when it comes to gender roles, I have no problem serving a man dinner and clearing the table.  Please note the word, “MAN” those are not very common and because of that, neither is my serving dinner and clearing a table.

(I sound like a man hater.)

I am not a man hater.  It’s just that I cringe when I see strong; smart, accomplished women I’ve known become meek, toss away their dreams, and live miserably for the “love” of a man.  

(That is not attractive on a man or a woman.)

I see men use religion to hold a woman in a state of emotional guilt and self-doubt, directing her toward introspection saying things like, “You need to pray about your attitude; while he plays a video game.”

(I’m not a man hater. I’ve known some awesome religious men in my time that never told me to pray about my state of mind.)

I want to shake these women and say, “Don’t you know you can have it all?  There are men out there that will love you without wanting to change you.  There are men out there that will not guilt you into becoming what THEY think you should be.  There are men in this world that will not direct you like a puppet, they will happily take a seat and cheer you on.  

(True love knows that support in a relationship is a two-way street and reciprocation has nothing to do with gender.)

There are men that won’t hide behind religion to keep you grounded.  There are men that won’t talk about faith, they’ll exercise their faith.  Real faith confidently sets a woman free.   I want to grab some women and say, “Its o.k. to be alone, have you ever tried it longer than a few months? It’s better than these relationships!” But if you want a man, “Just be yourself!” There are men that will feel invigorated by your idiosyncrasies and not expect you to change, but he won’t change either, because real love doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not.

A woman I know said, “I begged “Justin” for this mug and he let me have it, I really wanted the set of four but he said, “No, just one.”  She is 45, married to “Justin” and an accomplished teacher with a Masters in communication.  I didn’t know what to say?  I tried to smile politely wanting to say, “Oh, that’s great what a cute mug!”  But I stood there in shock with my eyes open wide and everything inside of me asking why a woman would do this to herself on purpose?  Then I heard a closet door creak open, finally said, “F*&^ it and hopped out.”  I can’t pretend anymore, because I know that love doesn’t do that, and I love myself enough to come out into the light. It’s time to call Gloria…Gloria can you hear me?


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