A ghost never died in agony. That is my theory. There is no way that a soul can be in the midst of pain and want anything other than to rest in peace.
I experienced the worst physical pain of my life over the past 72 hours with severe food poisoning and an ear infection. It came on suddenly Friday night around 11 P.M. and as I clutched to the side of my bathroom wall and crawled my way back up to the sink to let it rip, so to speak, the ONLY thoughts going through my mind were, “Please let this pain stop and mercy…..” To my surprise, my thoughts weren’t with those I love, seeking a priest, my pets, my “Who I’m going to haunt list”, or my life-long peccadillo’s. No, the only two things I could think about were, “Mercy” and “Reprieve.” The pain throughout my body was so intense, even my spine, teeth, and muscles were aching, and it was all compounded by rolling waves of chills and fever. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced and to be honest, I was scared a few times.
I would have made a terrifying ghost though with the grimace that was on my face, the smashed up hairdo, and the vertically smeared mascara look I had going on. My friend said, “Your animals are gathered around you starting a gawdamned prayer circle and you’re still saying, “I don’t need to go to a Dr.!” Did I mention I am very stubborn and don’t like going to the Dr.? Thankfully, I listened to her and went to the emergency care because they took me in immediately and I was there for hours being treated. I am currently on a four-day bedrest, blehhkk….(but I’m thankful.)
I always thought, if I died, I would come back and really haunt some assholes. I have a little list somewhere of the names and what I was going to do, purely hypothetical, but just in case. I like to be prepared. I had big plans for those bastards…..
I know people find comfort in thinking a loved one has come back from the dead to fling a pair of glasses across the floor or make an empty chair rock in the middle of the night but I call “bullshit” on that. I believe the ghost that are here; are not good, or maybe they died too suddenly, but mostly, I side with the not good version. You would have to be really angry to not let go and if a person is suffering and in agony all you would want is rest and release.
One thing I can say about this experience is that it has made me determined to find a way to volunteer to comfort people who are suffering in pain longer than my wimpy three-day stretch by comparison. Nobody should be alone while in agony, it really made me think about the care that hospice volunteers provide.
Back to my ghost theory: If I were going to be a ghost, I would want to do things that made more sense to me than flinging a picture off the wall. I would ride rollercoaster’s all day, clean a persons house (why don’t ghost ever do that?) explore the tunnels in Egypt, or tickle a babies chin so they could giggle for a new mom…..nice things like that, not write “Leave” with a ghostly finger on a bathroom wall or sadly even pursue my “Motherf#$%#s to haunt” list. But I’m still going to keep it around, I like options….