Vulcan Dance

You know, just practicing my Vulcan Dance Moves…..


Video from: PunksElectro YouTube


I make people do my dirty work at the grocery store

grocery blog2

I am becoming a clever woman.  I used to try to move around people when I was in busy sections of a grocery store.  Now, I just say, ” Hello, would you mind handing me a bag for my cucumbers?” “Thank youuuu..” (In my head I’m thinking, since you are blocking the whole darn isle and standing right in front of the roll of bags!)  You’d be surprised how smoothly that goes.  That person is happy because they feel generous and helpful, and I get to manuever around them without having to go through crowds of people to get to the tomatoes.  Then there are those women that spend five minutes trying to find an onion.  Look, if it’s hard, it’s a good onion, same goes for cucumbers, carrots, melons, “a’hem” etc.(lol)  What takes 5 minutes?  When I see those 5 minute women, I swoop in on the side of the stack, grab what I need, and get the hell out of there!  When I get to the mozzarella in water and there are the 5 minute people staring at every cheese on the shelf, instead of busting through and sticking my arm in sideways, I simply say, “Would you mind handing me one of those containers of mozzarella in water there? Thank Youuuuu…” LOL  They would really rather assist me than move?  By the time I’m circling around to head to the check-out I see half of those cheese isle people barely leaving and moving on to the milk. 
Grocery Blog
I’m getting really good at this, I’m going to try it the next time I am in a crowded shoe store at the mall.  I know it’s a bitch move, but one I would gladly reciprocate. However, I am a decisive woman, I know what I want, and I can grocery shop like a Nascar driver, but if you can catch me pondering a vegetable long enough, I will be happy to hand you a bag…


I’ve underestimated mothers everywhere…

I have to apologize, I’ve been a judgemental jerk.  I’ve looked at mothers before and thought to myself, ” How can they let their child behave that way?…Why can’t they control their children?…Parents use television as a babysitter…etc.”  Well, I humbly stand corrected.  I’ve been babysitting successfully for years, I am a Godmother, and I LOVE children, but I’ve never been around ill-behaved/hyperactive children until this past week.  I tried to live up to my own expectations, I made sure we spent time at the library, worked on the interactive computers, learned new words, did crafts and pondered the sciences, but by the time evening rolled around, it was all I could do to turn on a cartoon for them and try to collect my thoughts as I zoned out and scurried to make dinner.  As I tried to remember what my own thoughts sounded like in my head, I was interrupted every few minutes to be told of something funny that had just happened during the cartoon the kids didn’t want me to miss; how sweet! My brain would quickly return to mush as they ran back to the living room and I focused on the safest way to serve dinner, thought about the adult things I needed to get finished before bed, and how to serve that dinner while still preserving my furnishings and dishes.  To every good mother out there I say, ” You are kind of taken for granted? You just quietly do this stuff day after day and will continue, because it’s what love and a mother does.  Please accept my apology, I’m sorry. I’ve judged some of you and underestimated just how much work you do everyday.” 

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In the future, I promise to babysit more often for each of my friends with children and to think of creative ways to help mothers during the busier times of their life, work, etc.”   All I could think as I collapsed into bed each night the children were here was, “How do mothers do all of this everyday and still have it in them to give time and attention to their jobs, parents, family members, friends, the dog, a lover, marriage, and self?”  “How do you do that?”  How do you find the time to go to the gym, look beautiful, put make-up on, stay on trend with stylish clothes, and still take care of a spouse while keeping house and your sanity? I’m talking to real moms, not those of you with a nanny, you don’t count!….lol That is miraculous in itself, there should be an award for the ability to make it to the car without acquiring stains while placing the kids into car seats. (I managed to get a day old Caprisun squirted at me and silly putty on the knee of my pants.)  You guys make it look so easy?  I have an entirely new perspective, I found myself wanting to mail money and a thank you card to Disney and Pixar after dinner.  Because of those wonderful companies,  I was able to organize the children’s clothes for the following day and grab a quick bath for myself.  It was a “Praise The Lord” kind of moment that made me think Christian mothers should be exempt from tithing, they should be sending a few bucks to Disney, Pixar, and Veggie-tales every month with a note that reads, Please keep up the entertaining work!  I really think God would understand! 

I also realized why people reference that verse in the bible that says something to the effect of, “We need to have the heart of a child to enter heaven.”  They are so pure and forgiving of you when you lose it because they started to pull the roof fabric down on your leather interior car, they think you are beautiful in sagging, twisted pajamas, and wild hair when you got up long enough to turn cartoons on for them because they couldn’t reach. As you crawl back into bed, begging God for mercy, and just 15 more minutes of sleep, you hear the sweetest little voices singing along to adorable cartoon songs, without a care in the world, in complete peace, and you find the energy to get up on 5 1/2 hours of sleep, untwist your Pj’s, and make pancakes.  Children genuinely want to make things better, they are sensitive, humorously explorative, and they love you in a sincere,unconditional way, they’ll quietly hug you just for making pancakes or making them happier in a moment….it is a beautiful thing and anyone that has children that love them in their life in any capacity, is lucky indeed.  

I can admit that I do not think I am woman enough to ever become a mother, but I am woman enough to be the best babysitter my friends have ever had, to be more attentive when I notice my friends needing a break from child rearing and I vow in those moments to say , ” Let me take those rascals off your hands this weekend, so you can sleep in!”  I’m a single person, I can suck up not having even 6 hours of sleep every now and then, besides Kung Foo Panda was really funny, they wrote “I love you” in chalk on my orange tree, and I’ll be needing somebody to decorate Christmas cookies with in a few weeks……Did I mention that they also broke the light switch in my living room? The darkness is giving my computer screen a nice clarity though… 

xmas cookies

Mothers are freaking gladiators


 I have been watching my friends children while she moves.(I love these lil kids very much),they are 6-7 1/2 and 8 1/2. However, currently, I’m hiding in my bathroom just for a moment of silence without interruption!  Oh, believe. Me.  I’m going to have a lot to blog about this experience!! I’d tell you about it now, but I just heard a tiny voice whispering, “Bea, I know where she put the Jello Jigglers…” followed by little feet pounding my hardwood floors, and was delivered a glowing eyeball, covered in lint from underneath the bathroom door…………their mother said they are usually in bed by 7? SOS…SOS….SOS…SOS…SOS…SOS…SOS…I’m not woman enough for this sh*&. YOU MOTHERS OUT THERE ARE GLADIATORS.  I’ve been in the arena three days and I can barely stand…. I underestimated what you women go through, you all need/deserve more appreciation for what you do!

I promised myself I would never own sweats,,,


I hate sweatpants.  I don’t even like them on athletes.  They seem like such a lazy clothing option.  I’ve always said, “Hell no, you won’t find my ass in a pair of those sloppy things.”  The closest I’ve ever come is a black Adidas track suit I limit to outdoor activities involving soccer balls and dog walking.  That was until two days ago, when I was gifted the most amazing fleece, black, drawstring, sweat-type pants.  OMG, these things are amazing!!!  I swear they are slightly tailored, comfortable, and unbelievably warm!  I can’t wait to come home and slip them on! I envision the things we will do together like drink hot chocolate(aka Bailey’s and coffee), decorate the Christmas tree on a cold winter night, recover in bed from New Years together……  But I will never wear these to the mall or even a gas station, once I go down that road, the next thing you know, I’ll be the middle-aged woman at the mall in a matching Victorias Secret blinged out sweat suit pretending I got dressed up (I loathe that look on a woman).  No amount of rhinestones will get me into sweats, but these fleece numbers I have on…if you come to my door and I don’t answer, it’s because I won’t be seen in public in anything resembling sweats and I’m not taking these off past 8 p.m. and you showed up at 8:30……


Rachel Feinstein is so cool



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I really like her sculptures and her style!  I like her a lot more than her husband John Currin.  Her apartment looks awesome in the photo from W Magazine and what an outfit! You have to love any woman who had the bravado to apply to Harvard in a transparent miniskirt and a T-shirt reading “I’m a Satisfier”!!lol