You have to have the right type of beard

Too thin and skinny, ew. Too bushy and unkept, double ew. (unless your Brian Wilson ahhh) It also depends on the guy.  Not every guy should have a beard….you’ve got to have the confidence and umpf to go with it. There are a lot of guys trying to grow beards and that is my point, It’s so obvious you’re trying.  Trying too hard doesn’t look good on any man, you’re either a hairy enough “beard grower” or you’re not.  It’s O.K. because the world needs clean-shaven men too!

Can your doll afford to wear haute couture?

I suppose if you can afford to dress yourself in haute couture you had better expect nothing less from that doll you placed in your curio cabinet.  I don’t understand dolls myself, the life-like ones especially creep me out.  Andrew Yangs(Grandson of silent film star Mary Astor) Kouklita collection was sold in every Barneys New York!  These are some big time dolls? Not off the rack, these are couture wearing dolls!  Barbie is shaking in her plastic heels as we speak…  A doll wearing couture doesn’t make one anymore desireable to me, I think he should use his skill to make some life sized haute couture dresses…..seems like a waste of talent using that level of skill on a doll.  Although, I will never side with a doll, they really, really, weird me out. 

 

Sorry Lady Gaga, C’est Si Bon…

Sorry Lady GaGa, but Eartha Kitt had that paw up first……this woman could purrrrrrrr and this was 1953! Damn, this is sexy. I need to practice my purr and Eartha “pawing” if you see a woman walking down the street growling and pawing don’t be alarmed-that’s just me, practicing!!:

It’s not summer until you swallow a bug.

Do you know how I know winter is over?  I almost choked on a mosquito today, that’s how!  I was walking at dusk and there he was, coming right at me, the wiry legged little bastard.  I actually felt him touch my tongue but my hand was in Karate form and I whacked him away.  It didn’t stop there, earlier today there was a fly trapped in the window of my office.  I’d forgotten how annoying that incessant buzzing can be. Then it dawned on me, its spring/summer time.  It has officially arrived when you’ve swallowed a bug.  Don’t try to be cool and act like I’m a freak of nature and this doesn’t happen to you, I know it has. Everybody has walked to their carrrr, and felt a little gnat go up theirrrrr noseeeee or try to. No? Not you? Ok, maybe you are cooler, you were at a Coachella singing at the top of your lungs and then the gnats made their move! It happens. You know what would send me to the loony bin though? If a june bug flew into my mouth. I would need a heart restart. Those things freak me out, they have those sticky fury legs that never let go. Have you ever tried to tap one off a screen or a shirt? eeeeekkkkkkkk I run screaming. I’ve found an upside to these free “bug snacks”, it’s also time for ice-cold watermelon, fresh cherries, loquats, and wild flowers!

I need some leather pants…

Scientist aren’t the only people who get to have theories.  I have a theory too. It goes like this, I hypothesise that if I owned a pair of awesome leather pants, I could do a lot of things better.  I think I could play my guitar better for starters…has anyone seen Sheryl Crow wear leather pants?  I know Bonnie Raitt wears them and she can grind a steel.  Uh helloooo, Prince?  I also think I would be more invincible and badass. I think most of the members of Aerosmith have worn them at one point or another and they’re still rockin.  I got to get in on this……it’s worth a shot.  I’ll probably driver faster, sleep better, walk with a cooler gait and command more presence, never underestimate the power of good pants!  Cowboys wouldn’t look as good without chaps. Hey, they were good enough for Robin hood he wore them too! The possibilities are endless, I better just go with it….

Do sexy men buy clothes at Costco?

Something about people buying whole outfits at Costco makes me cringe.  I feel like it is the ultimate symbol of throwing up your hands and conceding to age/life.  Especially for men.  I see this mostly with men.  I shop at Costco for home staples (trash bags etc.) and the awesomeness that is their pre-made deli items. (Do try the cous-cous!)  The last two times I’ve been there, I watched middle-aged men place piles of Kirkland slacks and shirts up on the conveyor belt.  This made me look around and observe the other men in line and to my amusement, most were dressed alike and several had arms full of identical shirts just like the first man I noticed!   They were also dressed the same way Khakis, Nautica shirts, collared button ups, and comfort shoes. 

Can’t you think for yourself? Does Costco have to do everything for you?

I imagine them thinking, “Hey, if it’s at Costco it must be in style and good for me.  I’m gonna rock this shit and not look back. I want to be like everybody else, to hell with individuality! This is going to keep my wife flirting with me for sure!”  O.K, the thinking is probably more along the lines of, “I am too busy to go shopping, I’m a married man lets just be practical, this is a great price and I can get it all done in one swoop.”  I guess what I can’t seem to fathom is why you want to look like every other guy and a traditional dad, if you don’t have to?  There are so many middle-aged men who dress conservatively and are still stylish and sexy. 

I have this issue with women too. With women it’s trends, I have more respect for a woman who does her own thing. 

Costco is amazing, but I draw the line at mass produced Kirkland brand hanging in my closet……I’d rather have something vintage and with more personality……. 

I can feel you glaring at me and I want to say, “I’m sure some of the best dads and kindest men in the room shop at Costco for clothes….I respect that and know that being a good husband and father is more important than clothes.” I’m just saying, it seems too “settled” and I would prefer co-existing with a more adventurous man with an individualized style….